I have a passion for working with sleep and special needs children, because I too am parenting one of those children. And parenting can be tough in this case, believe me. But it’s even tougher if you have a child who is not sleeping.
What do I mean by a special-needs child?
A special needs child is simply a child who has been determined to require specific care, attention, and accommodations that other children do not. It includes a wide variety of conditions, including both physical ailments and learning differences, whether they’ve been “diagnosed” or not. I find that a number of these children behave, and process information, differently.
Parenting is not for the faint hearted
Bringing up any baby or child, and I don’t think I’m saying anything controversial here, is seriously hard work. It is a 24/7 job. And it’s not just about the hours. It’s the commitment needed to get it “right”. Then there’s the ambiguity of information (do it this way, no this way), the stakes involved (raising successful adults), and the endless, ever-evolving challenges that our kids throw at us. It’s one sharp learning curve!
And then there’s parenting a special-needs child
All those regular parenting challenges are present when you have a child with special needs; with a few others thrown in on top. Sometimes those extra challenges are incidental, sometimes they’re significant, and sometimes they’re monumental.
Helping a baby or child with special needs learn independent sleep skills is no different to helping any baby or child initially. It comes with all the regular hurdles, and on most occasions a few more challenges to boot. But kids with special needs (and their parents) still need quality sleep to thrive. Maybe even more so than regular kids.
Although it’s not my specific area of expertise, I wanted to discuss some tips for working on sleep with this diverse population of children. Those who are considered special needs.
There are still universal truths in terms of sleep
Even though we may be dealing with specific issues in a special-needs child, there are a few universal truths for all children when we’re trying to help develop independent sleep skills.
We need to get the baby or child on a predictable, consistent schedule. We create and implement a relaxing bedtime routine. And we need to eliminate any sleep props that your child is dependent on in order to get to sleep.
We also want to make sure your child is getting plenty of physical activity, daytime sunlight, and mental stimulation.
You can read more about sleep props and implementing bedtime routines in my other blog posts. Or you can book a call with me for some one-on-one help. Special needs or otherwise, those basics are the cornerstones of great sleep – for anyone.
General tips for special-needs children
Now the tips I’m going to give you below are generalisations as well. Children with special needs obviously vary greatly in their specific behaviors and predisposition. However, as a general guideline, these are the most applicable tips:
Be very clear
Make sure that any new expectations about your little one’s sleep and schedule are outlined and explained very, very clearly.
Go over it as many times as you have to until you’re confident that your child has a grasp of what’s expected of them. Explain, or show them, as best as you can, until they understand the process. Obviously, your exact approach will depend on your little one’s age, developmental level, and preferred method of communication.
Consider putting something up on the wall (or have a list that they can carry around) that outlines the steps needed in a bedtime routine. Include a cute cartoon of a child having a bath, putting on their PJs, reading stories, and so on. You can include a little checkbox for them to mark off when they finish each step too. This helps them understand what happens, and in what order. A social story, using pictures of your child in their own environment, can also be a big help with this.
Familiarity with the bedtime routine will help their brain know when to start winding things down and start the melatonin release.
You want to communicate to the best of your ability that this is the way things are done. Thus, repetition and predictability are crucial to getting the message across.
Which brings me to the next point…
Be consistent
Teaching any baby or toddler (or older child) to sleep through the night can come with a few nights of parental guilt. And this often leads a lot of parents to give up on the process before any real change has had a chance to take effect. They give up on the whole process of sleep changes within a few hours if they’re unsure what to do exactly.
Add a special needs-related challenge on top of that, and it’s easy to understand how a parent could quickly feel overwhelmed.
BUT there’s nothing more confusing to a child than inconsistency.
Remember, your child is still trying to get a grasp on how things work in the world, and if things are handled one way on a given night, then differently the next, it can be exceptionally confusing for any child.
Making some slight tweaks to your approach might prove beneficial (I certainly do this regularly through a sleep plan with one-on-one clients). But giving in and taking your child into bed with you just because they’re being particularly fussy one night, then standing your ground the next night, conveys a really confusing message.
Be patient
Special needs kids can be tremendously strong-willed. I mean EXTREMELY strong willed.
Because of this, it can take more time, effort, and dedication to change their behaviors than it does with other kids. If you’re the parent of a special needs child, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. But try to keep that in mind when you’re responding to them for the fifteenth time in a night.
Change is still possible.
Most of us are pretty particular about our sleep. We like to sleep in a specific position or use a certain pillow. We might like to have a glass of water handy on the bedside table. And if someone suddenly told us that we needed to change all, or even some, of that, we’d likely get a little frustrated in the first couple of nights. Yes, even if we knew it was going to benefit us in the long run (just ask some of the adults I work with).
So, when working on sleep with a baby or child with special needs, you can likely imagine how difficult it must be for them to adjust to a new way of doing things. They don’t understand the benefits of these changes. They’re tired, they’re frustrated, and they’re going to want someone to get things back to a recognizable, familiar pattern.
Being woken at night is HARD
Being woken up in the middle of the night is aggravating at the best of times. But when it’s happening repeatedly, over weeks or months (or years), especially when it’s to the sound of a crying baby or child, it’s very easy to lose your cool!
When you’re faced with this situation, do your best to take some deep, calming breaths before you get up out of bed. Keep in mind that this is tough for your child as well, and that you’re working towards a solution (please, if this is happening to you, do work towards a solution).
Things will get better over time as long as you stay on track with your sleep plan. Try and keep that thought in the front of your mind when you’re feeling like giving up. Because there likely will be some points you do want to give up.
Children are incredible
One thing I know for sure; you should never underestimate a child’s ability to do incredible things.
They amaze us constantly with their ability to understand, adapt, and interact. And they can do this, even if it’s a little slower sometimes. As parents, we’re constantly awestruck at our little ones’ development and progress as they learn to roll, crawl, walk and talk. So, there’s no reason to think they can’t learn to sleep through the night if we provide them with the right guidance and support.
And if you’d like that support, I’m here for you. For a longer time than many other sleep consultants may be. If we haven’t chatted yet, book a free initial call to see if we’d be a good fit.
Because everyone needs and deserves a good sleep.
Kim xx