The full conversation: By Kim Corley Certified Sleep Sense™ Consultant

Are you desperate for sleep because your older baby keeps waking through the night? Have you tried everything—rocking, bouncing, soothing—only for your little one to wake up again minutes later? You’re not alone. Many exhausted parents search for gentle sleep solutions but get lost in conflicting advice. If you’re struggling with your baby’s sleep, here’s what you need to know.

Recently, I had a surprising conversation—not with another tired parent (I’ve had countless conversations with exhausted parents), but with an AI companion. What would AI say about Sleep Training and “teaching babies to sleep”? It’s an impartial perspective, right?  I was curious (and a little bored), so I started a conversation with Microsoft CoPilot. Here’s how it went:

SLEEP: A BIOLOGICAL PROCESS NOT A LESSON

One of the first myths the AI and I unravelled, was the idea that sleep is something we “teach” babies, like walking or talking. While walking requires muscle development, balance, and active learning, sleep is biological; controlled by the brain’s natural rhythms. Babies are born knowing HOW to sleep, but they don’t yet know how to sleep EFFICIENTLY.

Q: WHY DO PEOPLE SAY YOU CAN’T TEACH A BABY TO SLEEP?

AI says: People often say you can’t “teach” a baby to sleep because sleep isn’t a learned skill like walking or talking—it’s a biological process. Babies’ sleep patterns are influenced by their age, developmental stage, and natural sleep cycles, rather than direct instruction. Instead of teaching sleep, parents and caregivers can support healthy sleep habits by creating a soothing bedtime routine, ensuring a comfortable sleep environment, and responding to their baby’s needs in a consistent way.

That said, sleep training methods exist to help babies develop independent sleep skills over time. These approaches range from gentle techniques to structured methods like controlled crying or the Ferber method. Every baby is different, so what works for one might not work for another.

Q: ISN’T WALKING A BIOLOGICAL PROCESS?

AI says: Yes, walking is a biological process, but it also involves learning and practice. Humans are born with the ability to develop motor skills, and walking emerges naturally as part of growth and development. Babies first strengthen their muscles through activities like rolling, crawling, and standing before they take their first steps.

While the biological aspect involves muscle coordination, balance, and brain function, the learning part comes from trial, error, and encouragement. So, in a way, walking is both a biological process and a skill that requires experience.

Q: SO WHY IS THE BIOLOGICAL PROCESS OF SLEEP DIFFERENT TO THE BIOLOGICAL PROCESS OF LEARNING TO WALK?

AI says: Great question! Sleep and walking are both biological processes, but they operate in fundamentally different ways.

Sleep is a natural, involuntary process controlled by the brain, particularly the sleep-wake cycles regulated by the circadian rhythm and neurotransmitters. A baby doesn’t need to actively “learn” how to sleep—it’s an innate function that develops over time as the nervous system matures. However, babies do need help in establishing healthy sleep habits.

Walking, on the other hand, is a learned motor skill that requires voluntary action, practice, and muscle coordination. While the ability to develop movement is biological, actually walking involves trial and error, strengthening muscles, and refining balance over time. Babies must actively engage in the process, experimenting with standing, cruising, and eventually walking.

So, the key difference is automatic vs. learned behaviour—sleep is more like breathing, something the body naturally regulates, while walking is like talking, a skill that develops through practice and experience.

Q: BUT MOST HUMANS STRUGGLE TO BREATHE WELL (SO MANY OF US SHALLOW BREATHE) AND SOME STRUGGLE TO SLEEP WELL. SO SURELY HUMANS CAN LEARN TO BREATHE, AND TO SLEEP, BETTER.

AI says:  You’re absolutely right—while breathing and sleeping are natural processes, how well we do them can be influenced by habits, environment, and even stress levels.

Take breathing, for example. Many people unconsciously take shallow breaths, which can limit oxygen intake and contribute to tension or fatigue. But breathing techniques—like diaphragmatic breathing, box breathing, or even yoga-based pranayama—can train people to breathe more efficiently, improving relaxation and energy levels.

Similarly, while sleep is an automatic function, sleep quality can be disrupted by poor habits like inconsistent bedtime routines, too much screen time, or high stress. Learning good sleep hygiene—such as optimizing your sleep environment, managing light exposure, and practicing relaxation techniques—can help train your body to sleep more soundly.

So yes, while humans don’t need to “learn” to breathe or sleep from scratch, they absolutely can learn to do them better!

Q: SO HOW DOES SLEEP TRAINING WORK, IF IT’S NOT TEACHING BABIES TO SLEEP?

Sleep training isn’t about teaching babies how to sleep—it’s about helping them develop independent sleep habits by guiding them to fall asleep without relying on external soothing, like rocking or feeding. Since sleep is a biological process, babies don’t need to “learn” how to sleep, but they do need support in establishing a routine that works for their natural rhythms.

There are different sleep training methods, ranging from gentle to more structured approaches, including:

• Gradual fading: Parents slowly reduce their involvement in helping the baby fall asleep, so they learn to settle on their own.
• Chair method: A parent sits nearby as the baby falls asleep, moving further away over time to encourage self-soothing.
• Ferber method (controlled comforting): Parents check in at increasing intervals, offering reassurance without picking the baby up.
• No tears approach: Gentle techniques like bedtime routines and responding to wake-ups with comfort, rather than letting the baby cry.

All sleep training methods aim to support the baby’s ability to fall asleep independently, rather than needing external help every time they wake. Some babies adapt quickly, while others need a slower, more supportive process.

SLEEP IS NATURAL

Sleep is natural, remember, so it’s not like A BABY CAN’T or SHOULDN’T sleep.

If we remember that babies already KNOW how to sleep (it’s biological), there really is no need to overly help them to sleep (by feeding or rocking for example). BUT chances are your baby WILL need to learn how to optimise their sleep in a way that is developmentally appropriate. And that’s where the parents come in!

SO HOW DOES SLEEP TRAINING ACTUALLY WORK?

When parents hear the words “sleep training,” they often imagine heartbreaking scenarios where babies are left to cry alone. But effective sleep training isn’t about forcing independence—it’s about guiding babies toward it at a pace that suits them.

Methods like the Sleep Sense™ approach I follow (which is different to other NZ-based sleep consultant methods), prioritize:

✅ Consistent routines to establish predictable sleep cues

✅ Gentle parental support rather than abrupt separation

✅ Independent sleep skills, so babies can (eventually) soothe themselves

As a Sleep Sense consultant, I work with parents to find a balanced approach that supports their child’s natural sleep development without unnecessary stress. Every baby is different, and finding the right method takes patience, structure, and flexibility.

LET’S REFRAME SLEEP TRAINING

This conversation sparked an important realisation: babies don’t need to learn how to sleep, but they do need our help learning to sleep well.

Instead of viewing sleep as something we “teach,” or something a baby knows how to do perfectly, we can start thinking about it as something we optimise—just like we do with our own sleep habits as adults. But while also accounting for a child’s current developmental level (the development part is very important when it comes to baby and child sleep).

I agree with AI in a lot of aspects, but after almost 10 years of running a sleep business, I can also say that practice is a key component in helping babies and children feel confident when going to sleep. So, there is much more to the sleep story than the “black and white” input of AI. Indeed, there is much more to sleep than just “sleep” – something that AI is yet to comprehend. But I, as a Mum, sleep consultant and sleep specialist already know.

HOW I CAN HELP YOU

In my role as a certified sleep sense consultant, I blend evidence-based strategies with personalised guidance to help families create better sleep habits, not rigid rules. AI reinforced that sleep isn’t just about methods—it’s about understanding the science behind rest, recognizing patterns, and responding to each child’s unique needs. That’s important, and also what I can help with.

FIND THE RIGHT SLEEP SUPPORT FOR YOUR FAMILY

If you’re navigating the world of baby sleep, you don’t have to do it alone (it’s actually much easier if you don’t). Whether you choose to work with a sleep consultant like me or find guidance through other trusted resources, the goal is the same: helping your baby sleep better in a way that works for your family.

Curious about my personalised sleep strategies? Let’s chat—no AI involved. Book a free initial call to learn more here.

Kim x