Is “Gentle” Sleep Training really a thing? You may have seen this “gentle sleep training” trend that’s been picking up speed, especially on social media. It promises a kinder, gentler way of getting babies sleeping through the night. Have you noticed it?
It may be called “gentle sleep training,” but what’s often implied is something much more magical: a promise that your baby will learn to sleep well without a single tear, without ever feeling frustrated, and without any discomfort – at all.
Sounds perfect, right?
REAL CHANGE IS MESSY
If you meet one of these people, who claim they can help your baby sleep through the night without any form of protest or tears at all. I want you to RUN! Run away, or at least really question their techniques.
Because here’s the truth. Real change is MESSY. And no one wants to say that out loud: change is NOT gentle, that’s not how change works—not for adults or children, and definitely not for babies and toddlers.
I’d like to think that my sleep plans are comforting for baby while they learn to sleep better. But that’s not always the reality (especially if they’re already overtired). And I’ll tell you that, straight out.
Of course, there are babies who don’t cry when I work with them – my methods are gentle too. But there are some children that still protest the change, and some who may cry hard (often simply because they’re THAT overtired).
Here’s what you need to know when looking into helping your child sleep well.
DON’T BUY INTO THE BUZZ WORDS
Let’s look at a few of the buzzwords floating around right now:
- “No-cry sleep training.” This is a lovely idea… in theory. And yes, I have the no-cry sleep solution books. But crying is how babies communicate! It’s how they tell us, “I don’t like this new thing,” even when it’s exactly what they need. Babies are allowed to have emotions. No-cry methods either don’t work full stop, take months and months (and months) to show results, or involve so much parent input that the baby never actually learns to sleep independently – so when the parent goes, guess what, baby cries.
- “Connection-based sleep coaching.” Another trendy phrase, suggesting that if you’re truly connected to your child, they won’t cry. This idea shames parents who choose structured methods, as if fostering independence is the opposite of love. It’s not. You can absolutely be loving, connected, and committed to your child while still making sleep a priority. In fact, connection is A LOT EASIER when everyone is well rested (aka sleeping well).
- “Biologically normal infant sleep.” This one’s rooted in truth—yes, babies can wake often at night (we all wake between some sleep cycles). But that doesn’t mean they have to struggle between sleep cycles. The suggestion that waking five times a night at 12 months is “normal” isn’t just misleading, it’s darn right harmful and keeps exhausted families stuck. Yes, it’s biologically possible for a baby to wake frequently—but it’s also biologically possible for a baby or child to learn how to sleep 11–12 hours at night, independently. You have a choice.
CAN BABIES LEARN TO SLEEP?
Here’s what the global Sleep Sense ™ family know after helping over 200,000 families around the world: sleeping well is a skill. And like any skill, it does have to be learnt to some extent. And guess what. Babies are PRIMED for learning.
Yes, we can all SLEEP. But we don’t always know how to sleep WELL. And that’s what all parents want, right? Our children to sleep well?
That learning process though? It can involve some discomfort. Most learning and growth comes from stepping outside your comfort zone. So yes, there are some babies who will protest. There may be some “I don’t like this!” moments. And yes, some crying can happen. It’s nothing to be scared of. Crying is a baby’s way of communicating, and you can communicate right back and tell them it’s all OK.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE IN WHO YOU WORK WITH
So, what’s the difference between working with me, Kim, a certified sleep sense ™ consultant, and working with another sleep consultant with different training and experience?
Working with a me, (the only Sleep Sense ™ Consultant in NZ currently), means that any protest happens in a safe, structured, and supported environment. As parents you can choose the method that fits your comfort level, including a Stay in the Room approach—where you are literally sitting right next to your child while they learn. You’re there. You’re calm. You’re consistent. You’re not giving in, and you’re not giving up on them.
It’s not about ignoring your baby or leaving them to cry. It’s about teaching them a lifelong skill in a way that’s respectful to them and you.
LOOK THROUGH THE MARKETING
The next time you see a sleep coach promising a tear-free, struggle-free transformation, ask yourself:
Is this realistic? Or just really good marketing?
Are they being honest?
Because at the end of the day, the goal isn’t to avoid every cry. The goal is to raise a confident sleeper—and a confident parent.
Ready to ditch the fads and get real, good-quality, sleep? Let’s talk about how I can help. Book your free initial call to learn more here.
Because everyone deserves a good night’s sleep!
Kim x