What if All You Knew About Sleep Training Was a Myth?

You’ve read posts from attachment parents, heard the horror stories, but what if everything you knew about sleep training was a myth?

When your baby isn’t sleeping well and you start investigating how to solve sleep issues, you’re going to stumble across one of the most debated questions on the internet. Whether or not to sleep train. There are only two sides: those who say it’s safe and effective and others who say there is no debate: sleep training is harmful.

Many of my clients have family and friends who disapprove of sleep training, and they find it impossible to discuss it openly. They want their success to stay anonymous on my socials, even though working on sleep has literally changed their lives for the better! Why are we hiding the success stories?

If you’re one of the many who think that sleep training is harmful, I encourage you to read on. Here we look at the origins, claims and what science really shows about working on sleep.

Why sleep train?

The objective of sleep training is to teach infants to fall asleep independently, particularly if they frequently wake up in the middle of the night. The process typically involves letting babies work it out themselves (often with comfort) in a safe environment until they fall asleep; There can be crying, because the process involves changing what usually happens around sleep. Crying alone doesn’t make it “Cry it Out”.

The entire process of helping babies sleep through the night initially takes between three to seven days.

But let’s look at what people have been saying about sleep training and sift the myth from the science.

Myth #1: Sleep training causes brain damage or toxic stress

Origin of the myth

  • Dr. William Sears, of attachment-parenting fame, warned that leaving babies to cry raises cortisol and can impair brain development.
  • Dr. Joan Kaufman’s research has been repeatedly misrepresented by Dr. William Sears as evidence that short-term crying during sleep training causes brain damage via elevated cortisol. That’s not what her studies examined. Instead, they focused on infants experiencing chronic, severe neglect or abuse, such as those raised in Romanian or Chinese orphanages—not infants involved in typical sleep training.
  • Dr. Darcia Narvaez claimed in Psychology Today (2011) that this stress leads to emotional trauma and detachment, citing animal and neglect studies—then applying them to routine sleep training.

What the research actually says

  • Gradisar et al. (2016) randomized 43 infants (6–16 months) to graduated extinction or bedtime fading versus control. Result: babies had small-to-moderate declines in salivary cortisol, better sleep, and no long-term emotional or attachment harm at 12-month follow-up. (the baby sleep haven, The Pudding, ERIC, respectfulparent.com)
  • Price et al. (2012) followed over 225 children to age 6, finding no differences in emotional health, parent–child closeness, behavior, or stress between children who had sleep training and those who didn’t. (PubMed, Reuters, AAP Publications)

Expert clarification!

Dr. Joan Kaufman stated: “Our paper is not referring to routine, brief stressful experiences, but to abuse and neglect. It is a mis-citation of our work to support a non-scientifically justified idea.” (The Pudding)

Myth #2: Sleep training damages attachment or trust

Origin of the myth

  • Dr. Sears taught that ignoring crying teaches babies no one is coming, potentially eroding trust.
  • Dr. Narvaez extended this, claiming children might be predisposed to mental health issues due to ignoring early cries—even though her claims are based on speculative extrapolation, not sleep training research.

What the research actually says

  • Attachment is built over thousands of daily moments, not one method used at bedtime.
  • The most conclusive long-term study on sleep training to date is a 2012 randomized controlled trial on 326 infants, which found no difference on any measure—negative or positive—between children who were sleep trained and those who weren’t after a 5 year follow up. The study includes measurements of sleep patterns, behavior, cortisol levels, and, importantly, attachment.

So from a scientific perspective, the theory that sleep training undermines attachment remains unsupported.

  • Studies show secure attachment rates are unchanged in sleep-trained children. Parents typically remain responsive during daytime and nighttime routines. (ORBi, the baby sleep haven)
  • Improved sleep often leads to more emotionally available caregivers, which reinforces—rather than harms—attachment.

Myth #3: Sleep training is just harsh “Cry It Out”

Origin of the myth

  • Both Dr. Sears and Dr. Narvaez characterize all sleep training as extreme CIO (cry-it-out), with no parental contact—painting it as emotionally punitive.

What the research actually says

  • The research-supported methods include graduated extinction, bedtime fading, pick up/put down, and camp-out methods—all responsive and parent-supported.
  • Studies consistently show these methods reduce crying overall and are safe, effective, and developmentally appropriate. (the baby sleep haven, The Pudding)

Key takeaways for parents

  • Routine, short-term crying during structured sleep training is not neglect, and there’s no evidence linking it to brain damage or attachment disruption.
  • Research-based methods like graduated extinction and fading improve sleep without harm, decrease overall crying, and support daytime connectiveness.

Final note

Sleep training—when applied thoughtfully, using gradual checks, respecting baby cues, and ensuring love and routines throughout the day—is not harmful. It’s an act of kindness. By helping babies rest better, they can grow, play and develop well. And parents can be more present, calm, and connected.

What do you think? If you’ve sleep trained your child, or even if you haven’t, drop a comment below and let me know why. YOU are the parent, and it is your journey to take. I’m just here to make it as easy as possible going forward.

To learn more about how I work at Cherished Sleep, book a FREE initial call HERE.

Subscript

This article was based on Tom Vaillant’s article in The Pudding (July 2024), with expert input from Dr. Jodi Mindell.

In his article Tom states ” If we look at all 75 clinical trials across the aforementioned literature reviews, over 30,000 babies participated between 1980 and 2022. The clinical consensus isn’t divided: to date, no published research points to sleep training causing harm, and the majority of published pediatric sleep researchers advocate sleep training.”

Tom also mentions that he asked Dr Jodi Mindell, to help him analyze the research cited by Dr. Sears and Dr. Narvaez to confirm whether their conclusions were accurate. He then states ” her review shows that none of Drs Narvaez’s and Sears’s references are either sleep or sleep-training specific and almost all are theoretical review papers.” He goes on to say “there is no proof of harm [in the research]”.

Of note, Tom Vaillant’s article says “when it comes to Dr. Sears’s warnings of “excessive crying,” clinical studies define “excessive crying” as inconsolable and continued crying despite parental attempts to soothe for 3 hours or more per day for a prolonged period of time. Therefore, sleep training does not fit the definition of excessive crying and prolonged stress as determined by studies on child trauma.”

He goes on [later] to comment ” Professionals with years of specialized education have invested hundreds of thousands of hours testing different sleep training methods on thousands of parents and children, and I can’t help but wonder why the current trend is to ignore the available science.” He notes that most parenting influencers are AGAINST sleep training.

He wraps up his article with the following, which I think is worth also noting:

“What if by wanting to do things differently and assuming we know better, we’re depriving our children and ourselves of sleep? Parents who decided to use formula were once shamed, but that decision is now considered neutral—at parents’ discretion. I hope that the misinformation on sleep training will end so that parents can explore options without the fear of judgment.”

“Not all children are the same and not all are easy sleepers, so if you’re exhausted and in need of a solution, please don’t consider these social media narratives as proof that sleep training isn’t an option. It’s your decision to make.”